15 Of The Most Unnecessary Tech Gadgets In 2023
In general, the past two years have been great for technology. Silicon Valley and other big tech cities flood the market with so many creative and thoughtful gadgets, that we almost forget what life was like before. Imagine that you are back in the 19th century, living without something as simple as a smartphone, a personal computer, or even a coffee maker. Sigh, Abraham Lincoln and his men must have been very helpful.
Well, our addiction to technology has made the new currency of drugs. Now that inventors are amassing piles of cash, daily, almost hourly, everyone wants a piece of the action. And sadly, it is not going well for a large part of the so-called new generation of technologists, who continue to invent tools so extraordinarily useless that they have to get what they want. They must become immortal.
Innovation and entrepreneurship are impressive, but let’s face it. There are so many gadgets that we will never fully understand how they saw the light of day. But, unfortunately, they somehow eventually did. Here are 15 of the most incredibly unnecessary tech gadgets you shouldn’t spend a dime on:
01. Rubato Clock
This is a watch meant to make you more productive. No, he’s not going to do weight lifting or stop time. It barely alters your perception of time, and it moves fast enough to make you feel like time is running out. So in theory, you will have to work faster and more efficiently to keep “time”.
This is a book case you should never waste your money on. Well, at least it seems to the executive branch – we’ll give it to them. But then, it doesn’t come with time calibration either.
Of course we hate weeds. And no, we are not talking about drugs. So it must have been interesting to learn something about hatweed, a tool designed to kill weeds at the root. On paper, getting rid of weeds with a flameless heat source sounds like a great idea.
It takes 10 to 15 minutes of applying it over the lawn to kill the plant. So it can take at least a day to work on a typical home garden – a task that should only take a few minutes to an hour.
03. NoPhone Zero
This gizmo is so funny that it makes you cringe every time you think about it.
It is no secret that phone addiction is on the rise among smartphone users. So how do you help addicts? I guess they should have thought about revamping the phone or something, but a bunch of “innovators” came up with a brick and called it “No Phone Zero.”
It’s actually a piece of plastic that should theoretically act as a comforting blanket for people struggling with addiction. Incredibly, its creators posited that realizing a familiar shape and weight might gradually make people less engaged with their smartphones. And no, it’s not free. It will cost you $5.
04. Denso Vacuum Cleaner Shoe
This is one of the biggest disasters to happen in Japan since Godzilla. Some geniuses at auto parts maker Denso thought it would be a good idea to save people the labor of operating a vacuum cleaner by including it in their shoes. In theory, you should be able to vacuum carpets by awkwardly moving your feet as you walk.
The boot features a very thick sole, which also doubles as an engine room, complete with a small dust box. So even if you really enjoy the solo walk around your rug, you’ll get tired of taking multiple trips to dust off.
05. Drowse-Buster E
Coffee therapists should especially resent this. Someone is taking acupuncture seriously. So seriously that he decided to throw biology and logical thinking out the window. The gadget is designed to send pulses through acupoints in the earlobes, to force the brain to stay awake.
Very impressive on paper to say the least, until you really realize that acupuncture is in no way scientific. This is just simple metaphysics, like magic.
06. Umbrella Drones
Well, we understand that. Everyone hates rain. This is why umbrellas were invented in the first place. And sometimes having one on your head can be a little tiring. But we doubt anyone would be bothered enough to spend over $2,000 on a cool umbrella—offering a drone isn’t that impressive.
Now that everything is hands-free, someone decided to extend it a bit with a flying parachute. Imagine all the things that could go wrong flying over your head. What happens when you take the train? When two people meet, can they avoid each other’s flight paths?
Of course, sitting on the toilet staring at the tiles and ceiling is boring. That’s why smartphones were invented, right? So, what are you doing to share the fun with kids who are still potty training? We thought we’d seen it all until someone introduced iPotty.
It’s a basic plastic case with an extra support arm for your iPad. Not bad, not bad at all, at least for kids who got used to the iPad way before they finally learned to use a real toilet. There’s something fundamentally opposite about this whole concept, don’t you think?
08. Pause Box
Now here is another tool for phone addicts. Everyone seems to have a problem with how we use our smartphones these days. Pause Box is a “phone coffin” that keeps your phone on silent and disconnected, possibly to prevent doomsday and launch Skynet.
So, the next time you are in a meeting and are thinking of getting away from your phone for a while, forget about airplane mode and silent phone. Nuclear Safe Box is what you need.
09. Emperor 200
No, it’s not the Maybach Naval Workstation, it’s more like a space shuttle. Forget the dominant seat and workbench setup. There’s a $49,000 workstation, which comes with a Bose audio system, Android touch controls, an air filtration system, an adjustable climate package, and two LCD screens, all mounted around a leather seat.
If you want a more compact one, punch a hole in the center of the seat to create the perfect adult iPotty. They should have also thought of some wheels and a steering wheel, just in case I had to go to work.
We’ve seen fitness trackers built into smartphones and watches, but we never thought they’d eventually show up on the strap. Belty is everything you don’t need in a belt – a fitness tracker that challenges you to stand straighter, drink more water, and climb more stairs. As a mother in the form of a belt.
With simple clothing accessories now crossing over, technology is inadvertently going in the wrong direction. We need belts to do exactly what we intend to do – lift our pants up, nothing more.
11. Travel Trac Book Caddy
Well, here is one more accessory that cyclists can be proud of. While cars are still stuck on cup holders, some idiots have come up with exactly what drivers need – a book holder. If safety isn’t too much of an issue for you, it only costs a few bucks to install a steel plate and maybe even get you a couple of your favorite classes while riding downhill.
Well, we agree that reading this book on a stationary bike makes a lot more sense. But why stop reading a book?
12. Quitbit Lighter
Of course, quitting smoking can be a daunting task, especially if you’re already doing two gigs a day. That’s why there are actually some options to help smokers through this process. But surprisingly, and somewhat paradoxically, there is a lighter that comes with trackers to help smokers gradually reduce the number of cigarettes they smoke per day.
Yes, we know a good cause when we see it. But isn’t the light too far away? And at that point, they probably should have brought a bottle opener to help the drunkard leave the bottle.
13. Aerodream One
This is proof that musicians should just stick to the music and leave the technical tools to the teachers. French electronic music pioneer Jean-Michel Jarre has created an incredibly tall charger/speaker system that comes with a steel ladder to help support your phone. The 11.1-foot, $560,000 unit produces an impressive 10,000 watts of power and comes with two VIP tickets to Jane’s show.
If you were a tall basketball player and wealthy enough to afford one, it would take more than six months to customize and ship. Understands why it was called “The Dream” in the first place.
14. Grease Cruiser Phones
If you think Apple is ridiculously expensive for similarly old technology, think again. Gresso Cruiser phones seem to have borrowed a leaf, and have continued to expand the whole concept. The shiny mobile phone looks cool, but it’s only as useful as a 2003 Symbian phone. And guess what? It costs between $1,800 and $3,000.
It is perfect for men who care more about money than practicality. The phone is ok, because who in 2017 has a 240 x 320 pixel LCD screen?
15. The Photoelectric Bikini
What is the biggest problem people face at the beach? No, there is absolutely no risk of drowning or high tide. It lacks enough outlets to charge their phones. Why bother going to the beach if you can’t take underwater selfies?
The photoelectric bikini is exactly what its name suggests. A bikini piece of strips of photovoltaic film bonded together to generate enough power to charge your phone. At least sunbathing will now be an electricity-generating activity. Priceless, right?